Till death do us part

Quite often, we've seen people look at a couple and say things like 'the man is very wicked but the wife is an angel or that woman is horrible, I wonder how the husband cope at home as he is such a good man.
I'm sure you've heard such statements before.

Is anything wrong with marriage? After all God instituted marriage and everything God made is good. (Genesis 1)

Today I want to talk about bliss in marriage. I want to talk about marriage 'done' the bible way.

I am not a marriage counsellor and definitely not here to list the DO's and DON'Ts of marriage as I don't know them if they exist. 
I just want to share with you some truths in the Word of God that has blessed me in this area.

I am not by this message telling people what to do, however if you desire more in your marriage, if deep within you, you know things should be better than how they presently are and you just know that as a child of God, complete peace and love can reign in your marriage then you can read on and share with your spouse. 
I have also been blessed by it and I pray it ministers to you too.

Proverbs 5:18 (GNB ) says so be happy with your wife and find your joy with the woman you married.

I have only been married 14 years and so you might say I am not experienced which is good in my opinion as people often tend to advice you on marital issues from their own personal experience which might or might not be palatable, therefore by the grace of God I will not be speaking from human experience or knowledge.

However I will share what the Holy Spirit taught me and as I have applied it together with my husband, the results we get is great. 

It takes pure love for the word of God, commitment between both husband and wife for it work, communication and the desire for the Lord to reign in our individual lives for there to be harmony.

Personally, I have realised that by spending time studying and meditating in His word, I don’t have to try by my strength to do the things people expect of a Christian. 

(Things like loving people even when they have not been nice to me, forgiving those who hurt me, living in harmony with my husband, being content with what I have and sharing the gospel with others).

I Samuel 2:9b says for by strength shall no man prevail.

You will always fall short no matter how hard you try which is why you will often hear a genuinely ‘nice’ Christian who is 'trying hard' say ‘I am trying to love that sister but she keeps stepping on my toes, I am trying to be patient with my husband but he is making it hard for me and does she think I am fool because I am a Christian? .

For me, I found out that the more time I spend with the word of God, these deeds flow effortlessly in my life. Of course it wasn’t like this before; I went to church like every other believer, prayed, maybe read my bible once in a while, try and do 'church things' and 'behaved' however I wasn't getting the result the Bible talked about in all aspects of my life.

I then thought to myself 'the bible is true, God cannot lie, there must be something I am missing so I started investing hours in studying the Word and while I do not claim to know it all, I am certainly getting result and not where I use to be and you will too if you invest time in bible study.

Let’s look at Ephesians 5:22, 25

Ephesians 5:22 – Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.

The Lord said to me ‘when I submit myself to my husband, I am actually submitting to Him. 

This changed everything for me. 

It means as a wife, if I don’t submit to my husband, then there is no point saying ‘Jesus you are my all as I am already disobedient.

If I honour and respect my husband, I am honouring the Lord.
So I asked the Lord ‘What if my husband behaves in a way I am not happy with surely I will find it hard to submit to him or do it grudgingly and this could cause strife in the home?

Then He said to me’ You submit to your husband as unto me’ that is your duty. 
You don’t choose when to submit or when not to. It has no condition attached to it.

I thought that was a hard saying.

The Lord went further and said, each of us (husband and wife) have individual responsibility as laid down by Him. 
I have to do mine and my husband has to do his. They are not mutually dependent.
It is not in my place to judge or criticise my husband when he isn’t doing his. 

Only the Lord can judge as He is the only righteous judge.

I breathed heavily but continued reading. I got to verse 25
Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.

Now until I got to this verse, I thought submission was the hardest!

As Christ loved the church!!! Now that’s huge.

I think we need to study how Christ loved the Church for anyone to understand this verse.

John 1:11a – He came to his own and his own people did not receive Him (talking about Jesus)

Isaiah 53:7 – He was oppressed and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. (Talking about Jesus)

Luke 23:34a – Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

1 John 3:16a (NIV) – This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.

1 John 4:10 – This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Brethren, I could go on and on but Jesus loved the Church (us) completely. He forgave our sins, he cleansed us, He put his seal upon us and the enemy dare not touch us, we were His enemies yet He died for us.

How easy it is to love those who hate you, those who don’t want you, those who spat on you and chose a thief over you?
Yet Christ loved the church unconditionally.

Now he said to husbands, 'love your wife even as He loved the church'

Are you a husband reading this, the Lord says you must love your wife as He loved the church.
He didn’t say love her when she behaves nicely, obeys you, clean the house or prepares your food. I have read that verse several times yet couldn't find any condition attached to it.

It is not in your place to say ‘she is rude to me, she doesn’t obey me, she talks too much etc. The bible says ‘Love your wife, full stop.

How will loving a stubborn, rude wife yield any good result, you might ask?
Isaiah 55:8 our ways are not the ways of God. 

If God asked you to do it, do it and leave the rest to God. The ways of man is to demand or command respect from the wife or impose it or in whatever way, but the bible way is to love that woman regardless of her attitude. 
That’s how Christ loved you, warts and all.

Problems exist in home because everyone is doing what they believe is right. It doesn't matter if that's how your parents did it as long as it's not the bible way, it needs to be changed.

The husband think the wife is wrong and should change, the wife think exactly the same, no one is looking at their behaviour in the light of God's word! The word of God is a mirror. Go check yourself in there and see how you stand.

Do you promise to love your wife/husband till death do you part? You both said 'I do' on the day and Heaven heard it and recorded it. 

Honour your covenant and 'do' marriage the bible way, you will be plesantly surprised at the result you get.

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